When Patrick offered me admission it was the Thursday before class started, so I didn’t have time to doubt myself, I just dove in and faced the challenge. If given more time before the start of the semester, I believe I would have been more afraid to take on the challenge, but it was just enough time to exercise denial. On reflection, I don’t think I would have the strength to go through the first film. Preproduction was the hardest thing I have ever done in my adult life.
I had some experience working as PA on other student sets, but I was never put in charge of an entire film. I don’t think I would have ever done it on my own. I knew preproduction was an enormous task where anything and everything could go wrong and then I was told the first couple of films a student makes are terrible anyway. I think I always avoided making my own films for that reason.
Now preproduction for a short film is a walk in the park. I was lucky because my shoot went very well and we had very few challenges. But even if things are to go terribly wrong during my next shoot, I feel I could handle it. Starting BDFI is like my freshman year at college. It’s the hardest, most stressful time in a person’s life, but after that first semester, college is pretty simple.
Starting Berkeley Digital Film School has made me realize how much work and skill is required to succeed in the film industry. It can be overwhelming at times, but I try to stay focus on the current project assigned. Often times, my mind wanders to the future and I wonder what it is I should do to work in film and of course earn a paycheck to pay off student debts.
I have decided I should start paid work as a PA again in the fall, meanwhile continue to take classes and find my niche. It is too early to tell, but maybe I will develop my skills in editing, or camera work or lighting. I have always have been a late bloomer, but there is no reason why I should start to work in the field.
I would like to prep myself so I can find a stable job working for a Bay Area company so I can pay off my debts at Cal. But stability and film are rarely spoken in the same sentence, but maybe I can work it out somehow. My big goal in life is to live in San Francisco with a job in the film industry. Right now the only place that comes to mind is Lucas Studios in San Francisco and Marin County. I plan to have a meeting with Patrick, go to the UC Berkeley Career Center to research companies and patch up my resume. I am very excited for the future and also a little uneasy, but I just won’t think about it. Again I’ll exercise denial, do the best I can and it will probably pay itself off.